Motley Crewe 0 - Internet Foxes 7 Date: 20th August 2005 Venue: Alsgar Leisure Centre (Crewe)
Goal Scorers:
Luke H - 4
Bernie - 1 (and obviously the best goal)
Jimmy - 1 (new signing)
Jamie J - 1 (he turned up for a change!)
Nigel R - 1 (I know that is hard to believe)not counted though
Team:
Nick Ashman, Danny McCulloch, Tom Bonsall, Phil Bray, Kev Batchelor, Nige
Ritchie, Bernie Muollo, Matt Hall, Chris Stenson, Jimmy ?, Luke Holyoake,
Jamie J
We arrived for our first away game with any distance in what seemed like
many years. Crewe who normally play at the main teams training ground
(damn!) and have games watched by Dario Gradi and some of the first team
players (damn!) hadn’t managed to get that pitch and had managed to get an
all weather pitch just outside of the Crewe centre.
We all set off with hopefully plenty of time to spare. I was going with Nige
and we went and picked up Phil Bray on the way – Nige managing to find the
place the first time unlike Chris Foster had done before worldnet.
We made it up in good time which was lucky as there was road works on the M6
and we got caught in it. Fortunately we were moving okay and we got to the
ground to find both Kev B and Matt Hall there with the players they had
brought. All we needed now was Nick Ashman (our goalie), Jamie J (if he
turned up), Luke Holyoake (our top goalscorer) and Chris Stenson (kit man) –
oh great, so we could do without them then.
With Crewe kicking a ball about on the pitch we all stood around in the car
park waiting. In the end we gave up and walked over to the pitch, Nick and
co arriving not long later and joining us.
So we all got changed pitch side which I’m sure looked great and that was
our warm up. No different from normal then.
Phil had selected the team already with Nick in goal, Danny M at right back,
Kev B in the unfamiliar position of left back. Phil Bray and Tom Bonsall in
his preferred position of centre half.
In the midfield Nige was on the right and Chris Stenson on the left. Bernie
was put in the middle deliberately to make him do some running for a change
alongside Matt Hall.
Up front was the lethal pairing of Jimmy and Luke H.
The game started with both teams competing very well. The game was flowing
from goal to goal and there was plenty of good passing and tackling. The
pitch was big and with it being an all weather pitch it meant that the ball
skimmed along the ground and more often than not made it to its destination.
That was more the case with the Internet Foxes passing due to having some
very good players on the ball.
It wasn’t long though before the pace up front of Luke H and Jimmy showed
and caused all sorts of problems for the Crewe defence.
The Crewe team had a lot of new players including the keeper who always
seemed to save the ball with his feet.
What this meant is if we got shots on target a lot of them would probably go
in. Pity we couldn’t get shots on target!
The chances were falling to Luke H and he was completely fluffing the lot of
them. More often than not he banged the ball wide, that was if he wasn’t
tripping over the ball or kicking the ball too far ahead of himself or
over-running the ball. (He’s a really skillful player you know).
We were all getting a bit miffed by now doing most of the hard work and
having Luke fail miserably. On one occasion Bernie won the ball well in
midfield, brought the ball forward and drew the defender before laying the
ball off beautifully for Luke to go through and blast wide.
Our esteemed captain was apparently saying to the other defenders “That’s
one good chance”, “That’s two good chances”, “that’s another one” and
finally (and I can’t get anyone to confirm this for me) “Gawd that bloody
Luke is bloody useless; I don’t know why I bother giving him a lift most of
the time! It must be Chris Foster’s influence on Sunday’s that has made him
so shite etc etc etc”
To be fair to Luke he wasn’t the only one missing chances, Jimmy had put a
few shots wide although Jimmy was being very unselfish in many cases and
laying the ball off to other players.
With all these chances missed and with Crewe still putting pressure on us
there was a good chance we could have gone a goal down. Especially with the
height of the Crewe side being substantially more than that of the Internet
Foxes. A well taken corner could cause problems and with Kev B well known
for just being safe rather than sorry, he was always going to put a few out
for corners.
On one such corner (which may or may not have been caused by a Kev B
clearance) the ball came in and it was headed towards goal only for Bernie
to clear the ball off the line.
Another corner not long after (possibly given away by a Kev B clearance) was
headed towards goal only for Nick to fall over acrobatically and punch the
ball wide – Bernie had it covered anyway.
So it was 0-0 but we were causing a lot of problems with our pace up front
and we thought that it wouldn’t be long before Luke finally got one on
target and he finally did – he got three on target in the space of about 5
minutes. The first was after he outpaced the defence and he slid the ball past the
advancing keeper with his right foot.
The second was after he robbed one of the Crewe defenders of the ball and
blasted the ball past the keeper.
The third was again down to his pace and after a pass by Jimmy, Luke ran on
to slam the ball past the keeper in the bottom left corner. That was a good
finish as Jimmy was all alone in the middle and would have had a tap in if
Luke missed!
This all took a lot out of Crewe and Leicester took advantage with plenty
more attacking. Jimmy blasted a chance wide with his left foot and we were
fortunate to see another dummy spitting incident by Jamie J after he miss
kicked a cross. He then kicked the ground and did one of his mumble mumble
mumbles to himself.
We had to have one of them in the game!
Crewe were by no means just there to make up the numbers and they attacked
and pushed forward in numbers. It looked like a set piece would be there
best chance of scoring but after a good build up one of their midfielders
had a shot from way out. The ball was sailing towards the top corner only
for Nick to stick his hand out and tip it over the bar for a corner. Of
course Nick really should have caught the bugger but we won’t make too much
of that.
We were passing the ball round very well and using Matt Hall in the middle
of the park to distribute the ball forward and further chances came.
Bernie had a shot from just outside the area which was heading towards goal.
Chris Stenson was right in front and he jumped over the ball hoping to put
off the keeper. Unfortunately the keeper got his foot to it and put it out
for another corner.
Now this shows Chris for what he is – too nice! Anyone else would have just
diverted the ball into the net (I would have!) but he left it and by doing
so he cost us a goal (and me an assist). We made it 4-0 when Jimmy blasted in a great shot from 25 yards (although he
says it was more like 40 yards) and we made it 5-0 when Bernie dispossessed
a Crewe defender and hit the ball low and hard into the bottom of the net.
And that was the score at half time. 5-0 and as we started late we only had
a very short half-time break.
Bernie came off at half time to be sub and things all went belly up. I guess
Crewe also had time to rearrange their side but that really had very little
to do with it.
As he watched from the sideline he couldn’t believe how shite the Internet
Foxes looked and there seemed to be less shape and less confidence in the
side – honest!
Crewe started playing a lot more footy and passing the ball around and there
were a lot more chances of scoring. Fortunately for us their shooting wasn’t
great and they were always off target.
They headed wide from a corner when in a good position and they also had one
or two other good shots that went the wrong side of the goal. They also put
the ball over the fence and into the trees and not wanting to watch any more
of what was happening on the pitch Bernie went off to look for the ball
instead!
With the team now playing very poorly and Jamie J having words to himself –
mumble mumble mumble – after Bernie yelled at him to get back and defend it
was time to bring the star player back on to the field just to get things
going again.
When he came on one of the Crewe players yelled out “someone mark Frankie
Dettori” – that’s a new one but obviously they realised what a threat he
was.
After coming back on Bernie had the ball passed to him by Matt Hall and he
blasted the ball towards goal. The Crewe keeper decided to use his hands and
make a save for a change tipping the ball on to the crossbar and out for a
corner. It was a great shot and things were back to their attacking ways.
Not long later the score was 6-0 with an absolutely incredible goal by Luke
H. So incredible in fact that Luke forgot he even scored it! He got the ball
on half way line, beat three defenders on the left, ran over to the right
wing beating another three defenders, then turned did a backward flip while
still controlling the ball, ran past the same three defenders again before
flicking the ball in the air and walking the ball into the net while
controlling it on his head. It was something to behold and everyone who saw
it will always forget it from now on.
Crewe to their credit never gave up and kept on pushing forward. On one
occasion with Crewe attacking Bernie saw Nige scream past him getting back
to defend. Now Bernie had every confidence in the defence clearing the ball
but he wasn’t going to be shown up by Nige and ran back to defend quicker.
Who cares about the team and keeping a clean sheet, he wasn’t being outrun
by Nige! Crewe were by now leaving gaps at the back. This let in Jamie J and he broke
away and actually used his head for a change and slid the ball past the
advancing keeper into the back of the net. 7-0 and now the priority was to
keep a clean sheet.
With Crewe pushing on they were determined to score and our defence was
determined not to let them. Phil Bray, Kev, Danny and Tom were keeping the
attack away from the goal which was good as Nick was still our goalie.
And with less than five minutes to go one of the Crewe strikers was through
on goal and about to pull the trigger when out of no where Kev B slid in (on
Astroturf!) and banged the ball out for a corner – this one we’ll let him
get away with. It was a great and extremely mad challenge.
Clean sheet still there and for us there was chance to go up the other end
and score another goal (kinda). Jimmy went wide on the left and blasted in a
great shot which smashed against the crossbar and came out. With Nige
already up there from the last attack and too knackered to move, he advanced
on the bouncing ball but the referee blew the full time whistle and that was
the end of the game.
For the record Nige headed the ball into the back of the net to give us an
8-0 win.
Of course as the Crewe management team announced that we had won 7-0 on the
IFA List and that result has become official, the last goal doesn’t count.
Bad luck Nige.
A very good result and a very good team performance. Now we rate each player
with the usual neutrality of a good swiss knife expert.
Nick Ashman – 7/10 – Got to get a good rating as he never conceded a goal.
Managed to make a couple of good saves and he played in goal the whole game
despite not really wanting to. His kicking was pretty poor but we’ll let him
get away with it, as it was better than Stevie P could ever do. He caught
everything that came his way and made some crucial punches from opposition
corners and set pieces. Would have got a higher rating but turned up late.
Kev Batchelor – 7/10 – Our new left fullback after a storming performance.
Cut everything out and kept his wing quiet. Managed to distribute the ball
pretty well which makes a bloody change. Still putting the ball out for
unnecessary corners like in the last 5 minutes when he should have at least
put it out for a throw. Would have got a higher mark but we had to help jump
start his car at the end and that means he loses points.
Phil Bray – 6/10 – Can’t say much about him really as he did naff all. He
did complain about Luke a lot and he did yell at the other defenders to get
them in line. As Captain he has to take some credit for selecting a side
that won 7-0 but not much credit as there was only 12 players after all!
Continues to do an excellent hoofed clearance – especially with his right
foot. Gets this mark as we kept a clean sheet even if he wasn’t making the
sliding, skin-burning tackles that counted. Also gets an extra mark for not
scoring an own goal.
Tom Bonsall – 7/10 – Another solid performance from our very solid centre
back. He wins most challenges in the air and if he can’t he’ll take the
player instead. Played well alongside Phil at the back and part of the
defence that kept a clean sheet. Worryingly looks like the type of player
who might splice a few clearances into his own net! Lost a few points
because his weight was the reason Kev’s car broke down.
Danny McCulloch – 8/10 – The first game back for quite a while and he fitted
in very well with the team. Made some very strong challenges and very rarely
let the defenders by him on the right. Very composed on the ball and always
looking to offload it to a Leicester player – the only problem being that he
looks for Matt Hall too often and Matt can be a bit shite at times. Lost
points for not taking all his jewellery off.
Chris Stenson – 7/10 - Another good performance by Chris in midfield. Mr
versatile himself as the captain still refuses to play him in his preferred
position of centre midfield. He started on the left this time and did a
pretty good job. When Bernie was off he got to play in the middle of the
park but he was bloody hopeless and didn’t give the captain any reason to
keep him there for the rest of the game / season. He should have been more
selfish and gone for goal a few more times and his distribution skills were
good although he tended to pass to Matt Hall too much and as we all know
Matt can be pretty crap at times. Lost a few points because he was in the
car with Nick Ashman and arrived late.
Nige Ritchie – 7/10 - Played on the right wing and did well as he was given
a bit of space to play in. Got stuck in and made a few good passes down the
line. Ran back to defend a few too many times for my liking although most of
the time he never made it back in time at least he made the effort. Might
have scored a great goal with his head if it weren’t full-time / announced
as a 7-0 result. Loses points for the pathetic celebration of the goal that
never counted!
Jamie Johnson – 7/10 – Played on the left wing and up front and used his
pace to cause problems. Still can’t defend to save himself and doesn’t like
it when someone asks him to! He provided the team with his dummy spitting
episode and we’re used to them by now. He doesn’t take criticism very well
so try to avoid it. He scored a great goal but also missed a few chances
when he tried to look like Jordan Stewart and ran off without the ball.
Loses points for being in the same car as Nick and also for only really
throwing his toys out twice during the game – we expect more.
Bernie Muollo – 9/10 – Would give him 10/10 but everyone would complain and
it might cause divisions in the squad so it is better that I only give him
9.99 but rounded down to 9. Key play maker and that was obvious with the
team falling apart when he was off the pitch. Set up various chances at goal
for other players to stuff up, scored one goal and could have had a couple
more. Defended well in front of the back four and is just a general all
round top player.
Matt Hall – 8/10 – Good to have him back after being injured for Worldnet.
Commanding centre midfielder who keeps everything ticking along well. Always
demands the ball and unfortunately more often than not gets the ball.
Sometimes leading to him taking forever on it, trying to beat the same
player three times and then losing the ball in a tricky part of the field.
Distributes the ball well (when he isn’t pissing about with it) and brings
everyone into the game. Good in the air as well. Didn’t score any goals
which is pretty pathetic really. Loses a point for being injured at
Worldnet.
Jimmy Sear – 8/10 – Debutant for the IF’s and a good signing he looks if he
stays sober on the Friday night. Like our great Greek signing Nektarios he
has “two good feet” which is always handy. He also has pace and can cause
all sorts of problems up front. Sometimes a little too unselfish in laying
the ball off to other people to completely muck up a goal scoring
opportunity. Jimmy combined well with Luke although Luke rarely passed the
ball to him. Scored a great goal but really should have got at least three.
Loses points for setting up Nige’s non-goal.
Luke Holyoake – 3/10 - Last but not least our great goal-scoring (and
goal-missing) machine. Luke started the season off like he finished it and
remains our top goalscorer by a long shot. He still misses a heck of a lot –
as Phil Bray says “that’s one….two….three good chances gone begging”. Luke
has great pace and a good shot on him – if he can get that shot on target.
He had Crewe every time but he only scored three, I mean four goals which is
pretty pathetic when you consider the number of chances he had. It is good
to have him back and hopefully he can continue on for the rest of the
season. Loses 5 points for forgetting he scored the fourth goal and needing
Ryan on the sideline to remind him he’d scored one more.
Thus ends the report on game one of the 05/06 season.
Special mention to Sue B who came up with Kev and to support the team even after she'd just finished a night shift at work at 7.30am!